July 29, 2010

Now is this mature?

First of all, many apologies for not specifying the situation of which made me create such a statement in my previous post. Please allow me to make clear that I typed the post based on inspiration given by a specific situation of a friend of mine.

Given in a situation whereby you have been in a serious relationship with somebody you love, you guys have been dating for many years, let say 5 years to be specific. Suddenly the other party decides that he wants to leave the country to another place for good, while this is totally not what you want. So you respect that person's decision, the person leaves the country, and along the way another person comes into your life. The new person offers you love, care, attention and even a lifetime. And you start to fall in love with this new person because of other factors too (compatibility, personality, interests, etc) in this case, what would you do?

I can be sure to make a statement by saying that, a more matured person will be wise in making her decision and choose the more practical path. Honestly, we all do not live in fairy tales and as a girl, I personally would choose a guy who is able to capture my heart and at the same time be around for me when I need somebody. When it comes to something as serious as marriage, I would obviously pick the person who can be around me for life, instead of waiting for that same old guy who has decided that he loves another country more than he loves me.

Now truthfully speaking from my point of view. I personally have been in a 5 year long relationship as well which did not turn out a happily ever after as much as I wanted it to at the time. Simply because I did not see a future with the person because I decided that I was young and I wanted to live and discover my life more than I wanted to be with anyone. Besides, if I had to choose, I would also prefer being with someone whom I am fond of who is able to be around for me (at least long enough to keep me rest assured). Love doesn't die off, it merely transforms into another kind of love. Probably not a lovey dovey boy girl love, but a more matured love. In this case, am I not worthy of using the word 'love'? Honestly, I did love that person, but I decided that I love myself more and I chose to live a life where I know I will be happy and carry no regrets till the end.

I guess it all narrows down to the question, which do you love more?
Does all this make any sense at all?


jote said...

Hmm. I have to admit I disagreed with your previous, out-of-context statement, but with a little more background information I'd have to say that yes, it does make sense.

Assuming, of course, that the girl loves the new guy more than she does the old guy at the point where she decides to settle down. Anything less and she'd be settling, which may give rise to future complications IF he were to ever re-enter her life in a more permanent manner.

It's definitely the sensible thing to do, and I suppose that that's what generates the debates- you'll always have those who will say that you must do the logical thing, and there'll always be others who maintain that love isn't meant to be sensible. It all boils down to how risk averse one is, I reckon.

But to quote Nicholas Sparks (1996),
"You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love."

Sparks, N. (1996) "The Notebook" Warner Books
Teoh, J. (2010) "Thoughts and Reflection"

Meibelle said...

( A Thought)
A mature way of thinking is not only on what one person think or what your friends think. No matter how long relationship you ever had, it doesn't prove anything. If you take your friends example as your road to your perfect happiness, i can say, that should not be your thinking for a girl who is mature.
You want a relationship? easy..
It's just a matter of your faithfulness. You are faithful, you are not selfish, that's what we call love. If you only think for yourself but not others, then, no matter until which "angle" of your life you will still not be mature enough to have a relationship, for you only think about your own feeling, your own thoughts, your own view.

That i call, a selfish thinking.

Anonymous said...

can't believe you even have a boy boy now..?

Xjion89 said...

love ur blog~~~hahaha

Melly said...

well, i think it really depends on what you want in life? so many people can say "oh this is more mature or that is more mature". But then again, who knows your relationship better than you do? you are the only one who'll really know if this long distance relationship is worth it. How much you love that person/how much he or she loves you/ how much commitment, faithfulness, loyalty you are willing to give to each other. Yes, many a times you can think outsiders may see your relationship better than you do. but are they really in your relationship? do they know all the little details about it? things that makes you feel like this relationship means something to you?

Also that people are all different. So you can say that love, or all you need for a so called "successful" relationship is faithfulness, not being selfish. Then again, i think that you really have to think what you want in life. If being "unselfish", or holding back your future or what not for love, is making you lose yourself. then is that love? i mean, it kinda defeats the purpose of life, don't you think? after all, what do you really want in life? what is your definition of happiness? it's all subjective.

I think that in the end, it still comes down to the type of person you are, or what you want in life. Ultimately, it's your life. How are you to know that this person you're waiting for is "the one"? You'll never really know. What if waiting for this person that "may or may not come back to you" makes you miss out on someone right in front of you that loves you? Thats why there are so many different love stories around. Because, all of us choose different paths due to our different personalities.

So who is to say eileen is wrong/less matured? She is honest to herself and to other people, and is thinking and acting based on her past experience. Afterall, we all have a different story to tell. What works for others may not work for our relationships. And vice versa. So open your minds and be versatile. Ok. Peace out. :)

Melly said...

haha. i repeated myself so many time. oh well. too bad.

Eileen said...

Ahh my baby sister has finally grown up. LOL! Good one Melly, I see you have a better mindset after all those up and downs in your past/current relationships. Then again, we will all continue growing, who knows what lies ahead of us, right? I guess it's important to be able to look after ourselves first before committing to promises that we cannot guarantee, right? Am proud of you smelly sister hohoho...

Thanks Jay! I adore your blog too! LOL... never knew people actually read my blog, always thought it was becoming kinda stale... hmm...

Anonymous said...

Girl, relationships takes consideration too. I reckon you should also consider how your thinking illustrates in people's minds & ears. Poor boyfriend you got there...i don't even need to know you to see what a person you are from the way you deal with your relationships

Anonymous said...

hoho your boyfriend must be sore loser sticking to you with that way you are dealing with your relationship too..what a pityful situation rofl

Melissa said...

well, someone's being judgmental. maybe you've not been in a relationship to know the baggage that comes with it? like i said, if you want to be considerate all you want, and give you you want, and lose yourself in the midst of that. fine, that's not wrong. but is that love? ultimately what are you living for? eileen has not said that she doesn't treat her boyfriend well, nor did she portray herself as someone inconsiderate or being selfish. just that you really need to know how much to give. and like you said, how your thinking illustrates in people's minds and ears. thus they should also THINK before taking in that illustration "mapped" in their minds. no?

Elton Yan said...

anonymous..the name suits ppl like you..a nobody..get a life instead of being a pest meaninglessly...i believe melissa has said it all and if u cant get it, then...seriously get in the ride before commenting on one..at least i have the chance to share my path with a wonderful person like eileen..anything should be blamed for any downfall should be me anyway..
well she treats me the best thats wad i can say from my angle and i am lucky...so, anymore comments? let her speak her mind n heart if she wants to..i never want her to throw away her life for me or give up for me..btw, she is different among the girls who disappointed me badly..unlike them, she makes total sense

Meibelle said...

wow.. is this war here?
I didn't know that this could happen on this just slightly or more than usual blog.

I do understand that if something like relationship that we are trying to put up with and trying to secure, what is this that to judge from people's perspective?

To Eileen's boyfriend:
(A thought for you)
From my point of view, you are just being nice to back your girlfriend up. Yes, you love her very much, you need her so badly in your life, until you are not so sure about your relationship anymore or even secure. You may ask," how do i know?"
No one would say " I never want her to throw away her life for me or give up for me". Who on earth a guy would say that if they know that their relationship is already secure?? For every guy who love their girl so much that they want her to be with him and make sure they would change for the better person for each other.
My point?:"either one of you is not giving up their old personalities and put on a new one".

Every relationship have SACRIFICES to make. It's all about giving up something, and stick to the other, we cannot have both(GREEDY), For example, we can't hang with our guy friends or girl friends as frequent as before because we have our spouse to stick to, our love one to hold on to, a castle who protect us, a heart that own us, a soul that will do what ever it takes to make you a priority, because you are much more important to him/her than any other not so important friends.

Like i said before, "If you only think for yourself but not others, then, no matter until which "angle" of your life you will still not be mature enough to have a relationship, for you only think about your own feeling, your own thoughts, your own view."

Try to think about others, not only yourself.

Elton Yan said...

okay..here's the fact..i dont want to explain much cause its really our private lives..but i can say is that, when you trully love someone, it doesnt matter if that person is with you forever..you just want the best and want tht person you love, to be happy and that her goals or ways of life pictured are reached and secured...
eventho most people want their love ones to be kept with them forever, yes i agree i do have that feeling..i love her, i want her to be with me forever..but who am i to change her life (meaning give up her life) for me if she sees herself in a different choice or way of life?
i dont want it to be that eileen has to force herself into being forever with me if life brought us to a fate where we cant be together..cud be due to alot of factors (as eileen states tht we both have alot ahead of us especially our studies)..
i can say, i'll be happy knowing i made that person i love, is happy..
..all i want is to share my happiness with her and see where the road takes us naturally..enough said..
to me, its the journey, the everyday love of being together that will summarize the relationship..
and btw, i dun wanna change her cause she is who she is..i love her and accept her and i find her strong within..we cant always base the longivity of a relationship on personality too btw, it really depends on fate and if its meant to be...

Meibelle said...

sweet.. glad to hear that.. cheers..

jewel said...

u have a man with you...^^

Kristy said...

"I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."

now, that's me..