December 23, 2009

takes time to realise

The sound of Christmas carols, the sight of pretty lights and ornaments nicely decorated wherever I go, the anticipation of spirits all around me..

Christmas holidays?
No. That's just too good to be true.

After spending an entire day in the computer lab on Monday, I finally handed in my assignments that i've been working on for an entire month. However, the working momentum has caused me to suffocate continuously in this hectic life of mine. I need to consciously remind myself that it's break time now, even.

I decided to go for a run on Monday evening which felt great, then spent the night on my own in quiet, cosy room of mine located in silent town Semenyih watching The Holiday. I picked this movie off my laptop just so to let the Christmas feel break into me a little, obviously it didn't work. I enjoyed the movie very much nevertheless. I can now relate to Cameron Diaz's role as Amanda in the show - an independent, strong, organised, rich, successful, single workaholic-cum-control freak that doesn't cry.

When I think about the fact that my life just might end up like Amanda's, I don't fret anymore. In fact, I am loving the journey so far. I have definitely placed the importance of work and being successful above all else and i'm not gonne stop driving myself until I get there. I don't remember the last time I cried over somebody. I cannot survive without my planner that consists of a thousand and one to-dos and the first window I open when i'm connected to the internet would be my university email to check if there's any work been sent in. Everything has to be well-planned, carried out and worked out. Holidays like these just make me feel rusty and unfruitful.

I am so pathetic to some of you I know. I tried picking up a book to read, got my hair done and eyebrows threaded yesterday, but I am not accustomed to life like that at all as much as I want it to be that way. And of course, someone special to share my life with too and I am not referring to just friends. (wow I can't believe I just said that) But maybe, JUST maybe, this is a whole new different chapter of my supposed life that I need to live up to, that God has written out for me. I will continue rewarding and unwinding myself with treats like good meals, pedicures and trips in between. Yup. That will be life for me for the next couple of years (and more..)

But right now, I really wanna enjoy this short holiday before I have any at all anymore. I hope the feeling kicks in, soon enough for me to realise. of a chemical engineering student for you =)